Tangent: Having a child in kindergarten is a lot more work than having a child in preschool. The amount of paperwork I'm dealing with on a daily basis is overwhelming and somehow, no matter how careful I think I'm being I always end up losing 9/10ths of everything.
1. I had pick-up time wrong on the first day of school.
2. I lost my donation forms before I even got to read them. (In order for our school to run at full potential, parents must donate $1500.00 per child per year minimum. Is that an LAUSD thing? I don't know. All I know is that I got my TB test so that I can volunteer every other week in the class and that public schools are really actually more like co-op schools these days. At least, around here. Which is totally cool and I'm happy to volunteer, donate money, bean bag chairs, snack for the week, whatever is needed of me. It's just... work! A lot of work. And yes, I'm extremely lucky to have the time and ability to donate and support my kid's school. I recognize this is a luxury, don't yell. But it's also work, man. It is.)
3. Last night was "Back to School" night and after arriving twenty minutes late, (everyone else was on time. I have no idea how this is possible. I'm not the only one with a husband who works late and a sister who lost track of time in the candle/homemade lotion store in Silverlake and arrived at my house at 5:30 instead of 5:00, I can assure you. Who are these magic parents and why can't they be less magical!?) I made the mistake of trying to exchange numbers with parents for play dates and didn't get a single parent's name right. Kids? Yes. I love kids names because they're awesome-weird and easy to remember. Anyway. So I got everyone's name wrong and then I was sitting in Archer's tiny chair in my jeans and I didn't realize how low they were in the back until suddenly I felt a breeze and realized I was flashing the entire middle and back row of parents (also seated in tiny chairs) my green satin thong with the peep-hole circle what was supposed to be sexy in 2003. So, I fixed my pants and made a face like, "don't mind me! Ha ha. I'm new here," which would have been fine if we weren't all new here, AKA there's no excuse for the whole class now knowing about my Gemini-sign tramp stamp that I got when I was sixteen c/o my boyfriend's friend who needed a lower back to practice on in his basement.
"I mean, how could I say no? It was free and he needed practice!"
Parents do not like this story. They are very disappointed in my poor decision making.
I'll admit with confidence that I think I'm a good mother. Fantastic with kids, specifically my own. But I'm a shit "mom". I suck at being a "parent" amidst other parents. It's like I freeze and become someone else, insecure and neurotic and ridiculous. I get everything wrong. Clearly everyone hates me and I have no friends and then I must cry. I've written about this before, haven't I. Like ten times? You're right. I know. Just forget I said anything.
Anyway, all this school stuff is clearly for a different post at a different time. And I will title that post "Class Dismissed" because I become tactless in school settings and also because I'm good with wordplay.
I digress. Again. This post was supposed to be an update on sleep training, specifically how I'm surviving on less sleep, which, if this post so far has taught us anything, it's that I'm not really surviving much at all.
I blame it on the rain. Yeah, yeah. Because rain turns sleepiness into exhaustion very quickly. Especially when you've lived in Southern California all your life and don't understand what the rain is from the sky, so wet.
Anyway. What? Where? Here's where I'm at:
I've been pretty good about being asleep by midnight and out of bed at
7:00 7:30. I am able to dress myself (thank you, thank you) and get kids out the door by 7:50 because Hal covers for me I am fucking awesome like that. Other than that there has been no significant change in lifestyle. My kid has yet to be late for school and I have yet to make a fool out of myself in front of him so for all he knows, I'm normal. Ish.
The only pressing issue that needs resolving is this: I need to buy myself an alarm clock. I have yet to use one, instead relying on Hal which is a bad idea because he becomes the villain every morning instead of a little box that beeps. You know how when you hear the "beep! beep! beep!" sound in movies it reminds you of your 6th grade alarm clock? (It does me, anyway.) That's kind of what happens whenever I hear Hal say, "Bec! Bec! Bec!" I get all anxious and then I realize he's calling my name to come cuddle with him on the couch and hate everything that's on television right now besides Mad Men.
Also, here is a video we taped live which is a new Momversation experiment. (There have been many a Momversation experiment lately because Momversation is going through its teen years. ED: Two years is like "fifteen" years in video years. Years.)
This vid was particularly fun for us because we got to communicate with each other instead of talking to ourselves for ten minutes and say ridiculous things for nine of them. At least, I do that. Clearly there's nothing Alice can say that isn't charming, witty and wise. And now I will talk about Alice. Alice is amazing. She's one of my absolute favorite people in the United States. I'm at work on an epic acrostic poem all about Alice, currently at work on letter "i"....
Anyway. How is your day shaping up? Is it raining where you live? Any tips for time-saving in the morning? Have you ever been late to a Back to School night? Does your school call it "Back to School" or does it prefer "Back 2 School"? Does your underwear ever show? Have you seen The Social Network? Is it the best movie you've ever seen? Is Facebook on its way out, you think? What will the new Facebook be? Who REALLY killed JFK? Wait, where are you going?