Halloweeve: A Ye Olde Rhyme

The following is a wee ditty I wrote for Babble three years ago, the year (Hal, Archer and I) dressed up as Bert, Ernie and Rubber Ducky, (somehow landing us on Best Week Ever's 50 Most Terrifying Sesame Street Costumes list!!??) A proud moment for Hal and me (#14!) but also quite the high pressure situation considering this year's Halloween plans. More on that Monday. In the meantime....


Twas the night before Halloween and all through the house
Not a person wasn't helping me throw last-minute costumes together, not even my spouse.
Fabrics were pressed with iron-on-letters with care.
In hopes it would look good and no one would stare (in a bad way)

My child was screaming from the bars of his bed
Wanting to hang out with his parents instead
Although momma was flattered, "Son, now, don't get me wrong...
"...But this costume is going to take me all the night long!"
When out the front door, there arose such a flutter.
A teenager in a mask! (I internally muttered)
Away from the peephole I arose with a knife!
(I was cutting a jack-o-lantern with my Dad and his wife. )
The full moon that I saw through the peephole was scary!
"Smell my feet," said the teen and "my ass is real hairy!"
Then what to my wandering eyes should appear?
But a dozen more teens with trick-or-treat gear!

And all of them clad head to toe, all in black
Carrying with them, stained pillow case sacks!
"It's too early I said! You must come back tomorrow"
But the teens, they all frowned, their brows furrowed in sorrow...
So I opened the door. With my pumpkin carving knife.
With my half-awake toddler, my dad and his wife
And we looked at each other and we had to agree
It isn't a sin to want some candy!
"Just one!" I demanded, shaking my head.
"And if you smash all our pumpkins you're totally dead...
...I'll kill you, myself!" I seriously said.

The kids all said thank you, adjusting their masks.
And as the door closed, my father's wife asked:
"Why did you give them our candy, anyway?
They're too old and it's not even Halloween day!"
I thought for a moment and then looked at my son.
And then back at the costume I had just now begun.
And I opened my eyes and stretched my hands to the sky
And I said something, shocking, even to I...

"One day my son will be older and change
And it will be a little bit hard and a little bit strange
And costumes will become what little kids wear
And it will be suddenly cool to flash strangers ass-hair.
And being too old for candy and costumes and fright
And unable to participate on Halloween night.
Is a terrible feeling. A feeling not right....
And I remember the feeling," I continued to say.
"For there is nothing quite like a dark Milky Way.
And the sound that it makes when it falls in the sack.
I would do anything to get those glory days back..."

As I muttered the words, a thought came to me
My son just turned two and was going on three
An age that was expected to ring doorbells and run!
It was almost as if a new childhood had come!

A wink of my eye and a twist of my head
And it was time to get Archer back into his bed
Then finish cutting jack-o-lantern's triangle eyes
And the iron-on letters for tomorrow's disguise.

And I heard my son babble as he passed out in his seat.
"I can't wait for tomorrow... my first trick-or-treat."
(And I nodded and said, "yes, me, too, little sweet.")