Reaching one-thousand posts, although I know in the scheme of things isn't anything major, has piqued my curiouity enough to want to delve curser first into the retrospection of my several hundred captured moments. Seeking, in a way, guidance toward I don't know what. Direction through rear-view mirrorship is something I often find myself seeking, if only to bring me back to the knowledge that now is where all the action is.
Still, one post by one I've gone through the past five years wincing and cringing and wanting to punch myself in the face. But after the initial embarrassment, I found myself amazed by how much changed. In my tone and voice and especially happiness. Slowwwwwwwwwwlllllly but still totally wow.
We're so afraid of thinking small - pushing ourselves instead toward lottery jackpots and drastic measures for change when on a personal level, it seems to me that time means more to happiness than anything. Every day we become a little more interesting. A little more balanced. A little more successful in our ability to understand and know and care and love and come to conclusions about things.
Like gardens and how you can't tell how fast they've grown until you return from vacation.
We're all of us growing up. And every day we challenge and accept what that means. And many days I've come here to write about it. And that has given me the ability to push forward (or at the very least reflect backward). Close my computer and go back to what it means to feel alive: living amongst exclamation points, question marks and the occasional dot-dot-dot...
When I started this blog in October of 2005, I struggled with what it meant to have a family. To be a sudden wife and instant mother - to change, sometimes not, redefine, become, sail on.
So many of the things that once scared me have left me unafraid.
And it's all here in the pages of what has become a sort of yearbook. Have a bitchin' summer. Class of 2010 rules.