He Hate Me: A Spiked Heel Joint

Let me tell you a little story about a boy who met a girl one sunny May 23rd in 2005, after entering the world through her torn-up vagoogle, along with about thirty gallons of blood and a placenta that resembled a dead Man-O-War.

After six weeks of Pre-Eclampsia Hell, that included a 65 lb weight gain and a nose that grew out of control until it ate her entire face, they met one another.

And the overgrown feet and huge numb titties and the swollen everything and the fact that she couldn't poop for weeks did not matter because she had her little gorgeous bundle of perfection in her arms.

Fast forward to nineteen-months later, and a cool, crisp morning in January when suddenly the boy's mad love for the girl turned into complete and utter disdain. (Actually Hate would be a more suitable word.) Suddenly, out of the blue, the boy wanted nothing to do with the girl and her "wack-ass bullshit". The boy wanted his daddy. ONLY DADDY! And when daddy wasn't there? He had tantrums and smacked the girl in the face...

And if he could speak he would say, "Bitch? Please."

And if the girl wasn't completely in love with his punk-ass self she might throw her hands in the air and tell him to "find his own way home" before leaving him in the Trader Joe's parking lot.

The girl didn't mean to front. It was just that, she was so used to being the love of the little boy's life. The first person he ran to when he bumped his head. The one he kissed sweetly every morning.

It was hard for her to get used to being the "other" parent... *

And so? She threw herself in front of the Metro bus. The end.


*OH GOD. Can it be? I have become the "OTHER" parent. BUT I'M YOUR MOMMY!

It wasn't supposed to happen like this!

1. I retired my favorite shoes for
you! (So much for "spiked heel joint," right? Because I cannot carry you around in heels. It hurts.)

2. I've resorted to eating
your regurgitated Cheerios! (Because usually there is no other place to put them besides my mouth.)

3. I tore my Vagoogoogledotcom! FOR
YOU! (And that thing itches like a mo-fo until it heals, man.) And now it's all about the daddy? The let's-go-swimming-in-the-dog-water-bowl daddy?

Fine then. I see how it is. Traitor.


Anonymous | 6:44 AM

Yep, the stuff happens.

Right now, the little guy is fifty/fifty mom/dad oriented.

"They" tell you to enjoy it a little when the child wants to be fully involved with the other parent, because it gives you a break. "They" have no clue about it when the preference is for the parent that isn't physically there at that moment.

"They" suck...

Unknown | 7:11 AM

OH, I can't wait for Emma to start lovin' on her daddy again. I just quit my job to stay home with the kids 3 months ago and since then its mommymommymommy and I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

Wanna trade?

Anonymous | 7:42 AM

He'll be back. I speak from recent experience here. As soon as Daddy says 'NO,' they come running back to mommy.

- toyfoto

Anonymous | 7:55 AM

Thanks for the sweet and tender glimpse into my future.

Anonymous | 8:15 AM

My hubby was always heartbroken at how the little man wanted mommy. I told him that there would be a time, around a year and a half, that he would want daddy. And he did. He loooooved daddy time. But have no fear-- one head cold or two-day fever and he will be all yours again. That happened in our house two weeks ago. Sad to say that I enjoyed the pathetic, sick little lump in my lap hugging my neck.

Bluepaintred | 8:54 AM

VagoogoogledotcomVagoogoogledotcom Oh man i will be laughing at that till... forever

Anonymous | 9:37 AM

'Twill pass. 'Tis just a phase. And he'll be back. And then, he'll waffle back and forth between the two of you.

Yes it sucks. Yes it hurts. But it's practice. For later, when you'll have to drop him off around the corner so his friends don't see he had to get a ride from his mom. Or at least, that'll be me. Because I bet you'll be the cool mom all his friends don't mind seeing, the one they'll all want to give them a ride home, because you're hip and not embarrassing. And when Gabe pulls this stunt on me? All I have to say in my defense is that I don't wear mom jeans. Not a real convincing argument.


Anonymous | 10:45 AM

He'll be "Daddy's Boy" until he's up at 3 in the morning vomitting everywhere....then guess who he wants???? Ah yes...enter Mommy-the-Comforter.....


Ahhhh!!! *Sniff*

Binky | 12:36 PM

I don't get nearly enough hits on my vagoogledotcom.

P.S. Hopefully your husband is making the most of his moment in the spotlight. I have a feeling Archer will be panning back to you in no time :)

Mamalang | 6:30 PM

Aww...I have mixed emotions during those times. Some days I need that break, but others, I need the cuddles. Good luck waiting it out!

angie | 8:55 PM

I haven't had to deal w/ that yet.. but I dread the day it comes!!!!!!!

As for the itching (due to tearing & stitches) after giving birth - oh holy hell..... I'd rather have the pain of squeezing out 10 kids then to ever have to deal w/ the itching again!


Yes! I had no idea of the hell that would be itchy vagoogledotcom (ha! you like that, doncha?) after the episiotomy. That shit finally stopped itching, THANK GAWD. Oy to the mutha.

the mad momma | 10:18 AM

oh yes.. daddy was flavour of the day till he turned one. then on its been mommy... and bits of faffy thrown in for good measure... but let him fall ill and its only mommy all the way. it doesnt matter that i am pregnant and cant carry him and the bump makes it uncomfortable. he still wants mommy.

kittenpie | 11:01 AM

He'll come back around, honey. He's pushing your buttons.
Mine tells me some days, "I don't love YOU, mommy, only daddy." and the first few times it was like a stab to the heart, but now I just say, "That's okay. You'll love me tomorrow." And she does.

Anonymous | 7:55 PM

Dude. I feel your pain. Except the vagoogle part - mine's a so-called bikini-cut.

No worries. There will be "moments of truth", as I like to call them, where his loyalty will be revealed. And believe me, it's all about mommy.

Anonymous | 9:37 AM

I think Keen would really appreciate some daddy love about now. Chance has been going through this "big hug" phase, but only for me, none for dad.

Anonymous | 4:15 PM

Oh yeah. My husband is on a business trip and my 14 month old daughter keeps pointing to the phone and screeching "Da. Da. Da. DADADADADA"

I'm just the mean lady who forces her to have her diaper changed and makes her eat.

Anonymous | 8:09 AM

Us too. I was downstairs doing laundry yesterday and when I came upstairs and wasn't Daddy my daughter threw a fit and told me to go stand in the hall.

She actually said "Not you!"

Her Dad wasn't even home from work yet.

Sheesh. I spent 41 days in the hospital for that girl and her brother. She's got no respect.

Mom101 | 8:29 AM

Oh lord, Thalia's in her "mama mama mama" stage, and every time Nate picks her up and she cries for me and I see his face fall...it hurts me because I know the shoe will be on the other foot soon enough.