Mystic Tan: A Haiku(s)

Like a gas chamber
Spraying tanning stuff on me
Gagging and choking

Five minutes later
I'm smelling like chemicals
Can't find my panties

Five more hours pass
I'm like an orange leper
(Don't look at my feet)

Sucks to be this white
But "Mystic" is not for me.
In fact it's torture.



Karen Bodkin | 5:06 AM

Ha ha...that reminds me of the Friend's episode where Ross gets a Mystic Tan and thinks he has to keep turning around - ending up with only his front orange.

Leigh C. | 5:26 AM

Eww ewww EWWWWW.


Bluepaintred | 5:32 AM

ewwww. and the worst part is none of those weirdo celebs notice they are neon orange. how can you NOT notice you are orange?

Bringing Up Ben | 11:10 AM

Hi, My name is Liz & I am a Mysticoholic. But I only do it in the summer because tan/orange fat looks better than pale fat in a bathing suit, right??
*hangs head in shame*


Really!!?? WOW! How can you breathe in that thing? I'm impressed.

motherbumper | 6:52 PM

As a almost transparent-I'm-that-white gal I've been very curious about Mystic. Thank you for putting that one to rest for me.

Loofah usually helps :)

Anonymous | 5:39 AM

I think I might have died via gas chamber in a past life because I did the Mystic tan yesterday and didn't think I would have a problem at all, but when it started I had a panic attack! I thought I could hold my breath but my heart started pounding, and I gasped in a wiff of the spray; I even got out real quick then realized I would look like a zebra so got back in. It was THE WORST experience I have ever had- and I work at a tanning salon so I have to sell them, that's the only reason I did it. Great poem. I would print it out and post it at work if I wouldn't get in trouble.