When it Happens

Somewhere down the line in every relationship, it happens. You go from holding in your farts to farting in each other's faces. From wearing makeup to bed to not wearing makeup at all. From talking dirty in bed, to really talking dirty:

"Archer pooped the BIGGEST poop, today, dude. It looked like a dinosaur egg!"...
Some call this laziness. I call it intimacy. Being real. Not being afraid of being an idiosyncratic mess because lord knows, we are all flawed as fuck.

I didn't know what to expect from a marriage, and now, two years later, I am starting to realize what it's all about: Being real.

The days of courtship and make-out sessions have been replaced with the comfort of zit-cream and picking each other's scabs. Push-up bras have been retired. Sexy lingerie is now used as a childproofing device. Because it doesn't matter anymore. No fluff. No fakery. No trying to cover blemishes with concealer. Or hiding tears.

Marriage is about the half-eaten cake in the fridge,"I made it for you, but then I got hungry." It's about the late-night snack runs, even if they're the wrong kind of snacks. It's about trying. And messing up. And falling down. And getting up. And making up.

And yet sometimes I mourn the days of romance. (I'm a woman. I can't help it.) And flowers at the door. And showers of compliments and kisses. And weekend getaways and spontaneous sex-a-thons. Because it's true what they say... All of that stuff does change. When you get married. When you have a baby. When you grow up. And yet... How much has really changed? I look at us then and I wonder...

Sometimes it's hard to give up roses. But a marriage isn't about genetic perfection, the sweet fragrance we call, "romance". Marriage is about the flowers that grow wild in the sidewalk cracks. Often disguised as weeds and equally hard to manage. Blooming year round. Dandelions with wishes to blow against the wind. (If you believe.)

And I do. I believe. Even if I kick the sidewalk sometimes.

Because I am willing to trade all of that in for a night of stinky feet and cookie crumbs in bed. And that's love, man. Smelling each other's less-than-pleasant fumes and giggling in bed until 4am. Gaining weight. Getting older. None of that matters. Who cares? It's just me.

Strip away the mask. Remove the black lace panty set. The makeup. The various deoderizers.

Marriage is about the wonderful stink. The morning after. Hungover and bloated. Without makeup.

Being able to bend over without sucking in stomach fat, or covering cellulite. Being real.

And so today we celebrate two years of burping, farting, wrestling, wise-cracking, inside-joke making, eye-rolling, dish-breaking, music-blasting, ass-slapping, name-calling, cheek-pinching marriage.

Gone are the roses, perhaps. But the dandelions are here to stay, quietly growing in the cracks.

Happy Anniversary, Halston-bot. I love you.



Molly | 7:18 PM

Awwww! True love is hard to find. Rip some for me! Y'all are so cute.

Dallas Blue | 7:53 PM

so sweet.



Anonymous | 7:56 PM

Happy Anniversary, Sweet Cheeks! Yup. An anniversary isn't complete without a Dutch Oven.

May your dandelions grow numerous and tenacious over the years to come.

Keri | 8:19 PM

Happy Anniversary! Archer is lucky to have you both for his parents! =D

Anonymous | 8:19 PM

Damn it. I was made at hubby all day and now you've gone and made me think nice thoughts about him. Guess I'll hafta forgive the jerk.

Oh, and Happy Anniversary!

Anonymous | 8:31 PM

Happy Happy to both of you. And yay for bed farting, we thougth we were the only ones.

Anonymous | 8:54 PM

How beautiful! Happy Anniversary!

Anonymous | 9:23 PM

Way too cute. You two are just way too cute. And Archers ASL had me in stitches.

Another example of him being too cool for you- he was all babbles until you asked him to say buttons. Hello mom!? Buttons- not a cool word.

Anonymous | 9:56 PM

happy anniversary duder. i love you guys!!

Russell | 1:43 AM

happy anniversary! i look forward to one day meeting the woman of my dreams...so i can fart on her!

A. Nonny Mouse | 5:30 AM

Happy Anniversary!

Bluepaintred | 6:18 AM

woahhhh Somebodies husband is a hottie!

happy anniversary

Anonymous | 6:44 AM

The first year we were married we got food poisoning. With one bathroom. He ran in to find me on the toilet, so he threw up in the tub. I laughed. It's been ten years now.:- ) Thanks for capturing the essence of a good partnership.

Namito | 10:07 AM

You nailed it.

Happy Anniversary!

ms blue | 10:17 AM

I have a fondness for wild flowers. Hope your anniversary was wonderful!

Fruitcake | 11:12 AM

happy anniversary!

Anonymous | 11:28 AM

Happy Anniversary! What an awesome post! I loved every sentence! You really know how to lay it out in it's truest form! Love your writing, lady!

Anonymous | 12:07 PM

Happy Anniversary! Are you happy - you made me cry! You put that all perfectly!

petite gourmand | 1:44 PM

so very very true..
fantastic post & Happy Anniversary!

Anonymous | 2:23 PM

Happy Anniversary to you both - a wonderful pair... The Arch is a lucky guy... as is Hal and as is Becca...
Keep it up !

Anonymous | 2:28 PM

Happy Anniversary to both of you. May you enjoy a fart filled giggly night....after the wild monkey sex session, of course!

Anonymous | 3:46 PM

happy anniversary!

perfectly said (as usual)

Emery Jo | 6:38 PM

yay! congrats!

You guys are mighty sexy and stuff.

Leigh C. | 5:24 AM

Mazel tov!

Here's to many more years of sharing stories such as, "Honey, the little guy was sitting on the toilet the other day and yelling at his poop to come on OUT!"

Ahh, good times...

Her Bad Mother | 9:58 AM

Happy, happy, happy!!!!

Here's to boundlessly farty future, together!

PunditMom | 11:45 AM

Your husband is one lucky dude! That's an amazing view of marriage and so right on! Wait until you hit year 13 -- :O -- like we do this year! And they said it wouldn't last!

Happy anniversary!

Anonymous | 2:34 PM

Aw, congrats you two! (And congrats on Archer's new cousin as well.) This is so sweet. Of course, I'm so old now I'm way over the romance. Letting me sleep all day would be a GREAT romantic gesture on my hubby's part!

Debbie | 3:13 PM

totally. the best part so far.

(even if it does get stinky when the covers get flailed some nights.)

Anonymous | 1:38 PM

This is so damn beautiful it stinks! I wish I could write something as sweet and honest as this.