The American Obesity Epidemic: Doggy Version

My dogs have suddenly become fat. They're relatively active so it isn't that. They eat healthy, organic dogfood so it isn't that either. Hmmmmm, I wonder what it could be. OH RIGHT! It's because Archer throws his breakfast, lunch and dinner to the dogs whenever I turn my head. He even calls for them "Cooooooper. Zaaaaaaaadie.... I HAVE EGGY FOR YOU!" except it sounds more like "EhEh. Eh, Ehhhhhh. Ooooooh. Dit" and then the dogs come a running. He sneaks them scraps under the table and sometimes, too lazy to be sneaky, throws mini-sandwiches in their salivating faces.

Cooper, my boxer is 100 pounds to begin with so it's not like this extra weight is showing so much but my Boston? Ha! She has become pig-like. A waddling fatty-pants who can barely keep the pace on a walk.

A son who throws food and laughs? Two dogs that gobble up all the floor-casualties? My family's falling apart.

So I have decided to put the doogs on a diet. No more dog food. I know. It sounds cruel but it seems that 5 meals a day for a dog isn't healthy eating and although I love to spoil my babes, I have to be straight with them.

"My dear dogs. You have an eating problem." I sat down with them over (my) lunch and discussed the alternatives.

"You can either A. Eat your own food and leave Archer to clean up his own mess (heh). or you can B. Eat all of Archer's scraps and skip your breakfast and dinner."

Of course the dogs preferred to eat eggs, chicken breast and string cheese over dry dogfood so I'm testing the dog-diet waters and seeing of my little experiment will work.

Zades has about 650 lbs she needs to drop by Bikini season (next summer) and Cooper could lose that spare tire. (His six pack is NOT what it used to be.) See the difference in Zadie's physique?













I went on the google rampage to see if personal trainers exist for dogs in Los Angeles because I figured dog-trainers exist so why not dog-fitness-trainers? I mean, every other block boasts a pet psychic so wouldn't it make sense for there to be an L.A. Fitness for dogs? We have Doggy Daycare, Doggy Hotels (complete with 24 hour Animal Planet rocking TV's and Massage... But no Doggy Treadmills. No Dog Paddle pools. Wait! They do have Hydrotherapy. Does that count?) and even something called a "Poop Butler." (In the OC, no less.) but no "dog gyms."

DUDES! Not that I would actually SEND my dogs to the freaking gym! I'm not THAT insane but it made me wonder-- with so many new parents fluttering about the Americas and beyond, parents with once pampered pets, how many of us/you are struggling with the same PET-ISSUES? How many of our once fit/healthy pets have become a little on the chunky side?



With Archer's meals going to the dogs time and time again, not to mention the lack of attention the dogs get these days compared to the pre-baby "good ol' days." Could this over-eating have to do with depression? Oh God! They're depressed and overweight and it's all my fault. Send in the Animal Cops. I so deserve it.

GGC

15 comments:

Neil | 11:31 AM

ARe you crazy? Do you want to be thrown out of Los Angeles because of your overweight dogs? You can be thrown in prison for that here.

e. | 11:44 AM

My cat is super chunky. I tried to exercise him with a laser pointer, but then the battery died and he was too lazy to go buy a new one. Now I just try a tad harder to keep him from eating the sausage casings out of the trash when I make chorizo omelettes. He seems to be ... still chunky.

(popped over from Amalah-land. I like)

dawn | 12:40 PM

Think about all the work the dogs are doing for you. If they weren't there you would be the one cleaning up the food from the floor. Just think of them as chubby live in maids.
ps: my boxers isabel and maia say wiggle wiggle.

Shannon | 1:06 PM

Ha ha! My Dad calls Diesel the "pot belly Pug"! We have resorted to cutting his servings in half. He now gets 1/2 his normal amount of food and Caleb's scraps. (I prefer this to throwing him out during mealtimes cuz it means no sweeping. yay for me!) He is holding steady at 21 lbs. A lot of visiting family dogs have kept him active the last few weeks. Maybe your pooches can come to our next playadate and they can workout with Diesel?

MrsFortune | 1:24 PM

There's no doggie gyms? Wait, I sense a need I need to fill. Did that make any sense? Sure ...

Anyway I have one cat that is tremendously fat and a dog that sometimes takes 3 days to eat one bowl of food (she's very skinny!) So things aren't all right in fortune land, either, don't feel bad, mama.

slackermommy | 2:38 PM

Our vet yells at me everytime I go in because our Golden is overweight at 97 lbs. But how can I deny him people food when it makes him so happy? And it's so cute when my baby shares her ice cream cone with him.

Jenn | 3:06 PM

My daughter's babysitter has dogs who eat well when she is over there but then when she is at home she still throws all her food on the floor to feed the dogs that we don't have. I do a lot of sweeping.

creative-Type Dad (Tony) | 3:45 PM

Too funny!

My wife and I went away on vacation and left our Beagle with my uncle (he breeds "Huskies").
We told him do not feed our dog anything but his own Iams good -not even a bone.

After a week, our dog ate the other dogs' food and his own and snacks. We didn't even recognize him - he doubled his weight!! He looked like he ate another dog and it was still trying to escape. His legs could barely hold up his body.

That was 3 years ago and he's still about 80%.

Mrs. Chicky | 4:36 PM

Is there something in the air today? There are dog topics all over blogland.

(okay, not really "all over", just at your place, mine, and tony's. But still, jeez.)

My dogs are totally mooching off of my kid. They're taking full advantage of her at meal time and she obliges, happily. They're chunking out and it's getting a bit embarrassing. Maybe my next dog venture will be doggie fitness training.

Binkytown | 7:28 PM

I watch the dog whisperer and he always puts dogs on treadmills!

Its a sad commentary when I've also considered a treadmill for my dog before I thought about one for my flabby ass.

Jess | 7:44 PM

my dog eats rocks.


...we think she's a little crazy.

merseydotes | 7:00 AM

Right there with ya. I posted this at the beginning of the week, and we've been calling Lilah a Fatty Fatterson all week long. We keep thinking if we break her self-esteem down she will get depressed and shed some pounds.

kittenpie | 8:34 AM

We never really had a throing things epidemic in our house, but the cats don't make it as much fun as a four-legged Hoover would!

Hey, there's an idea - just change cooper's name to Hoover. And the other one to Dyson.

Hippie Mama | 9:01 AM

My husband always puts the baby's dirty bib on the floor after he's done eating so the fat dog can lick it and "then once it's clean again, we can just use it next time." I don't know if he's serious, as I've taken the bib to the hamper as soon as it leaves the baby's neck every time, because a small part of me is afraid he's serious.

My grandparents-in-law only feed their dog people food. He is a little chubby, though.

I love the comic book look you're doing to your pictures!

Lilli | 3:44 PM

Aww.. I miss your dogs! I think it's ok for dogs to be fat. Petey (my oldest Boston) is the laziest, fattest dog in the world, and he's fine. We have taken him to the vet asking if there's something wrong with him because he doesn't do any kind of physical activity and manages to not only eat his own food but Paisley and Peggy's as well. It's ok. Let Cooper and Zadie eat... and enjoy. They deserve happiness! :)