Hi. My name is GGC and I sweat at the gym. I know, I know but I don't sweat, I SWEAT.
I totally get soggy-butt when I ride the stationary bike and get all drippy on the elliptical machine. I totally make a sweatmark on the ab machine and the back machine and the hip and thigh machines. I SWEAT. But I don't sweat like a lady, I sweat like a dude.
One might think that sweating at the gym is kind of a given but I've found that since my new going-every-day plan, I have yet to meet, see, witness my fellow ass-sweaters, beside of course, the men. The men are drenched. The women always manage to workout without so much as a pit stain, picking their kids up at the daycare looking svelte and dry, straight out of a Secret Ad. I, on the other hand am this strange freakish sweat-bomb and although I'm proud of my new zeal for all things gym, I'm also a little embarrassed by my being the sweat-wet-like a turbo jet-anomaly of the (female) gym-set.
Women aren't supposed to get all sweaty and nasty. I'm pretty sure it's like an unspoken rule that everyone but me can respect. Pilates? Spinning? Yoga? All the women are dry as a daisy and I'm a flood on legs, drowning in my sad and lonely limbo, my puddle of dread with my letter L sweatband admitting to my loserdom.
I'm going to be honest, it's kind of embarrassing.
This is nothing new. This has been an always thing. Soaked hair. Soaked clothes. Sweat-circles to my waist, fogged-up eyeglasses when I'm trying to read, soggy headphones. Even in my prepubescence, I'd go work out with my friends and within moments of exercise, "Don't mind me! Ignore the pouring rain falling from my temples and please, watch your step! My ass is leaking as well."
I didn't grow out of it and fear that it may be getting worse in my old-age. Pretty soon, I'll have to ride around in one of those electric chairs in order to stay dry when POWER-shopping on the boulevard. I'll have to wear a towel on my head in the stretch room as not to soak the mats. I'll be wearing a bathingsuit on the bike like the fish out of water I am, swimming my sorrows away...