Men are from Mars, Women are From NotSupposedToSweatThisMuchVille

Hi. My name is GGC and I sweat at the gym. I know, I know but I don't sweat, I SWEAT.

I totally get soggy-butt when I ride the stationary bike and get all drippy on the elliptical machine. I totally make a sweatmark on the ab machine and the back machine and the hip and thigh machines. I SWEAT. But I don't sweat like a lady, I sweat like a dude.

One might think that sweating at the gym is kind of a given but I've found that since my new going-every-day plan, I have yet to meet, see, witness my fellow ass-sweaters, beside of course, the men. The men are drenched. The women always manage to workout without so much as a pit stain, picking their kids up at the daycare looking svelte and dry, straight out of a Secret Ad. I, on the other hand am this strange freakish sweat-bomb and although I'm proud of my new zeal for all things gym, I'm also a little embarrassed by my being the sweat-wet-like a turbo jet-anomaly of the (female) gym-set.

Women aren't supposed to get all sweaty and nasty. I'm pretty sure it's like an unspoken rule that everyone but me can respect. Pilates? Spinning? Yoga? All the women are dry as a daisy and I'm a flood on legs, drowning in my sad and lonely limbo, my puddle of dread with my letter L sweatband admitting to my loserdom.

I'm going to be honest, it's kind of embarrassing.

This is nothing new. This has been an always thing. Soaked hair. Soaked clothes. Sweat-circles to my waist, fogged-up eyeglasses when I'm trying to read, soggy headphones. Even in my prepubescence, I'd go work out with my friends and within moments of exercise, "Don't mind me! Ignore the pouring rain falling from my temples and please, watch your step! My ass is leaking as well."

I didn't grow out of it and fear that it may be getting worse in my old-age. Pretty soon, I'll have to ride around in one of those electric chairs in order to stay dry when POWER-shopping on the boulevard. I'll have to wear a towel on my head in the stretch room as not to soak the mats. I'll be wearing a bathingsuit on the bike like the fish out of water I am, swimming my sorrows away...

GGC

20 comments:

Christina | 3:24 PM

I'm the same way, and I think it's the reason I have such an aversion to exercise. It's not that I don't like working the muscles in my body - it's that I don't like the sticky, wet, sweaty mess I become in doing so.

Thanks to pale skin, I also have to deal with a face that's bright red when working out. Which means enduring several concerned people always asking me, "Are you OK?" Yes, folks, the sweaty, red-faced fat woman will not pass out, I promise.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 3:29 PM

AHHHHH! ME TOO! I'm a blotchy red-faced, sweaty peep.

helena | 3:30 PM

I truly understand you. I sweat doing pilates...I look around...and no one's sweating! Sweat-circles to your waist...hey! me too! It's really annoying because it shows that your tummy isn't as flat as you would like it to be. Fogged-up sunglasses (I don't wear glasses to read)? Been there, done that. But do you know what's worse? The feet. They sweat and sweat and sweat and, in the end of the day, they stink. Oh yeah...really bad!

Mother | 4:57 PM

Yeah. I'm a sweat-er. I used to do ballet like 8 hours a day. I'm the red faced dripping one.

I don't understand how athletes can not wear a sweat band (not that I ever wore one), but I always have to have a towel.

Kara | 6:18 PM

Not ass sweat for me, per se, but the boob sweat is the worst!! Especially when it pools in between the "ladies" in your sports bra. Yah, I'm not pretty at the gym either.

Mommy off the Record | 10:17 PM

I'm totally the same way. I'm drenched like 15 minutes into my workouts. It's horrible.

(oh, and I'm glad I'm not the only person posting today about something embarrasing!)

Stefanie | 10:48 PM

I'm with you! I sweat more than Albert Brooks in Broadcast News. Fuck it, we're married.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 11:11 PM

Ahahaha. Nice.

Andrea | 6:43 AM

At least you know it's working. But think about it. After those dry women are done working out, they have to go sit in a sauna to sweat a little more out. You don't.

tallgirl | 7:21 AM

Ha. I am a sweaty sweety too. As if the sweat isn't enough, my nose also runs. Yay, that is cool on the bike or on a run. Especially if my farmer blow doesn't disengage itself, and I have to wipe snot off with my hand.

hmmm. excercising with the tallgirl is fun.

Uncle Dave | 9:03 AM

Blame Dad.


It's genetic.

Anonymous | 9:52 AM

I too get the nose run and the ass sweat! Heck, I've got it coming out of both ends! What I hate is the large sweat rings between my thighs after being on the treadmill. Can I embarrass myself more? Sure! I then meet my trainer. Afterwards she stretches me out. The poor girl has to get a face full of post workout stench. Why do I pay for the humiliation? --Bama mom.

dawn | 7:00 PM

At least now I know I am not the only one. I only wear white or black t-shirts with a full length sports bra so it will soak up most of the sweat. Good thing I am already married and not trying to snag a mate at the gym. How sexy!

Kristen | 8:51 PM

I don't have the sweating problem, but I do have a major coordination problem. I always end up looking like a complete moron at the gym. I just wrote about that yesterday, actually. Ugh.

Jezebel | 4:50 AM

Unfortunately, I'm in the sweaty bitch club. I hope you have some Mitchum!

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 10:25 AM

The sweaty bitch club? I smell a rock and roll band.

kiwidebra | 12:00 PM

Funny. I was going to post about this before I took my blogging vacation. Sad to say, though, for me, I don't even need to be at the gym. I pour buckets just putting Baby Girl in the car. I try to return something to Target and look like a criminal as my face turns red and sweaty. I am a continuous sweaty hot mess. I guess you could call me one hot mama...oh so sexy! I can play bass in the Sweaty Bitch Club band.

It's nice to find out I'm not alone although it sure feels like it when you see those immaculate L.A. moms wearing their expensive designer white jeans, clingy tops and high heels. Not a drop of sweat, spit up or baby food on them. So unfair!

crazymumma | 9:13 PM

I am a sweater as well...nooooo! Not the wooly kind, the drippy kind silly.

Try hot yoga, now there is a river. And dare I say, an odour?

Anonymous | 5:30 PM

At least you know your fat ass is losing some poundage...why don't you go with a personal trainer until you lose some weight. Then, before you come back to the gym, go get a tan so the guys have something decent to look at...Fat, red-faced women aren't pleasant to look at in the gym. If you think you look fat and ugly in the gym, you probably do...

Sweatheart | 7:29 PM

Ladies, I sweat like there's no tomorrow. I'm talking "puddles". I run on the treadmill for about an hour and then go and change my t-shirt to do weights. Truth be told, I never feel more beautiful than after I've sweated buckets! Also, men find it raw, natural and very sexy! If I were a guy, I'd be attracted to someone who works out that hard and isn't afraid to sweat too. It's rare.