One Shit Wonder

This is my 300th post (not that that means anything but I thought I'd share.)

ANYWAY...Poop. Shit. Fecal Matter. Or as some people call it, "mess." Have I explained to you that it is my pet peeve when people call poop, mess? Like "Dog Mess?" ACK! It's always muttered out of the same breed of twisted mouth. Hate. Anyway... Crap. Dung. Poo-Poo. Stinky Stink. Etc. But for the sake of a good title, let's just call it, "shit."

Archer poops once a day. It's a very large "shit." and it happens around the same time, mid-morning usually, before naptime. It demands my full attention. A dozen wipes? Check. Diaper on deck, ready to wear? Check. White robe? Check. Goggles? Check. I'll spare you the details for now. I know, I know, you're welcome.

But here's where it gets REALLY exciting: As of late, Archer has become, Crouching Baby, Hidden Dragon up in this bitch, sneaking off to do his duty away from my watchful eyes, and it's my favorite thing in the world.

Yeah, you heard me, Archer's new crouch-poop under the table gives me more pleasure than a pint of Haagen Dazs ice-cream.

He does this thing with his face, makes this little puzzled look, checks to see if I'm looking (I pretend like I'm not) and then he grunts and does poopy smile, looks to see if I'm looking (still pretending like I'm not) and then finishes with a second grunt, and crawls off toward his bedroom for me to change him.

Next stop toilet training, right? Psh, I know but I can't be bothered thinking about that yet. For now, I'm enjoying his wonder-poop.

Ah, yes... The sweet comfort of my one shit wonder.



Bringing Up Ben | 9:52 PM

My little brother would do the same thing - except he would hide behind a giant potted plant and scream bloody murder if anyone dared to look at him.

Anonymous | 12:32 AM

I thought Isaiah was the only kid that did this... he goes and hides under the dining table in the crouch-grunt-peek-to-see-if-you're-looking thing as well.

Blog Antagonist | 4:55 AM

Step one: defecation awareness.
Step two: Potty (er, shit) training.

It's not as far off as you may think. My kids trained late, but that's because I have extremely strong willed kids. (as in, I know you want me to so I'm not going to strong willed) But it's not unheard of for some kids to train at two. Follow his lead and you won't go wrong. Good luck!

Unknown | 5:42 AM

HA - I love it. Lydia does the same thing. She goes off to another room and I can hear it - the grunts. Poor thing. But at least I am ready and prepared when it happens - instead of being surprised by the smell.

Christina | 6:59 AM

My daughter always does her daily poop during her afternoon nap. Which means potty training is going to be a bitch, because she always poops in private when she's asleep. How do I teach awareness of that?

Unknown | 7:52 AM

Sylvie does this too. If I look at her she gives me her 'dirty look' and screams 'go away' hahahah!

Anonymous | 8:10 AM

you mean he goes off and does "his doody!" ecg

Anonymous | 8:17 AM

That's hilarious! Lil is a stealth pooper, if it weren't for the smell I would never know it was happening.

Last week when I had a cold poor thing was poopy and I didn't even know, because of my lack of smell. Oops.

Anonymous | 8:42 AM

I have to poop now
Must find a good hiding place
Grunting equals good

Is Mama looking?
No, time is now to go poop
Now where's that wet wipe?

Ah, you started something with the poop haikus. I can't help myself.

kittenpie | 10:18 AM

The obvious squatting and red, grunting, concentrated face always cracked me up. But Pumpkinpie would do that right in the middle of the living room, so we always knew to change her. And then later, she started shouting, "Change my diaper!" (or variant, "Change my bum!") Helpful thing, she'd even scamper off to the gate at the bottom of the stairs.

S.T. | 11:21 AM

Ahhhh...the things we mothers find to talk about.

I despise people who say "mess" too. My racist stepfather used to say (about my then diaper-wearing children,) "I think he/she messed his/her diaper." Whenever he used to say that I was dying to yell at him, "Well, then get off your racist, hate-filled ass and change it!"

Once my mother and I left my baby daughter with him for a couple of hours to go see a movie, and while in his care she "messed" her diaper, so he actually called the neighbor lady across the street to come over and change it. I shit you not.

Unknown | 1:57 PM
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Blog Antagonist | 2:31 PM

He's a perfectionist, Mama!!

My youngest didn't speak a word until he was 3. Then he opened his mouth and spoke an entire sentence, perfectly intelligible, and gramatically correct. Like you, I screamed. I suspected he could talk long before he did. I think he just wanted to make sure he could do it right before making his public debut.

I think Archer has the same thing in mind. One day, he's going to get up and dance a jig. :?)

Anonymous | 2:07 PM

You can't be bothered to potty train your son?


Nope. NEVER! He will poop in his pants for ETERNITY!!! *cackle, cackle*