Thirty-Two Weeks

Have you ever had a hunch about something? Of course you have! Hooray for hunches! Well, here is mine: September 22nd (one month from today!) = R&B's Record Release Party. And by record release party I mean birth. Day. Maybe it's because Fable was born the 2nd of October or maybe it's the symmetry of 22/11 but I've had this hunch for a while. The babes will be 36+ weeks at that point. Fable was born at 38 weeks. And we're getting down to the wire, here, so I may as well start making guesses.
And yes, Fable rocks two different shoes sometimes. It's her thing. (Hal took Fable to get smoothies after this picture was taken and some lady was like, "Excuse me. Your daughter has two different shoes on." Fable responded by striking her fiercest pose and screaming, "TA-DAAAAAAAAAA!")
This week, I am 200 pounds of pure vagina power. (Yes, I'm still on the three vagina thing - I only have a few more weeks to talk about my three vaginas so you're just going to have to deal.) Babies are now transverse (they seem to be rotating clockwise together) which means little pressure on my nether area. Solid. I seem to be feeling better and better as this pregnancy progresses which is weird.

The other day we got caught in insane bumper-to-bumper Hollywood-during-rush-hour traffic which resulted in tears of the can't-stop-laughing persuasion thanks to (my heroes) several large watermelon. I had purchased them earlier in the day and every time we stopped, then went, a watermelon would lurch forward and slam against the trunk. It could have been the most heinous drive ever. We were all exhausted, frustrated by the traffic, knackered and grumpy after a long day and yet, once again, watermelon SAVED THE DAY!

I spent Saturday in Ojai, grey-haired person capital of the world (seriously. EVERY PERSON we saw had grey hair, even the kids. I told my parents they need to move there STAT. I kept double-taking every time a woman passed - my mom's age with my mom's hair, style, love of canvas health-food-store totes... ) If Ojai was a person it would be Wendy Woolf.

I was there for my friend, Dani's Bachelorette Weekend and nothing says "Bachelorette weekend!" like a giant pregnant lady lying by the pool, or, in my case wading in the pool as various items of floatation surrounded me like I was their mother ship.
So apparently (we learned) there is something called "The Pink Moment" which occurs in, like, three places on earth (Ojai included) and happens ten minutes before the sun sets - cloaking the mountains and the skies with a deep pink. Naturally, we set out to find such a moment via camping out on the side of a road overlooking the mountainous horizon and to our absolute HORROR, found no such thing:
waiting for the "pink moment" on the side of the road

We did, however, see a sunset. And it looked like any other sunset. We decided that Ojai was a genius to re-brand "sunset" with "pink moment" and convince tourists such as us to stand like a bunch of idiots on the side of the road staring off into the distance... waiting. You got us, Ojai! You and your pink moment got us!

Speaking of Pink Moments...
Everywhere I go someone audibly mumbles "did you see that woman? Poor thing looks like she's going to pop" and then I spill my water bottle between my legs and SCREAM! Just kidding. I don't really do that but I should.

I DO pull a flask from my purse every time a stranger asks when I'm due.

"What do you mean, due?" I say, swigging from flask.

(I don't do that either.)

Another funny thing to do when you're extremely pregnant is to buy a pregnancy test. This was not my idea (one of the ladies at Dani's party recommended I do this while buying her cigarettes at the local Ojai drug store) but it's a rather genius one, I think.

"The cigarettes aren't for me. The pregnancy test however..."
oh hi! the head loves bachelorette parties
sister of the bride, Ojai party house (via skampy)

I was sad to leave Saturday night, bummed I couldn't stay for the long weekend, but not nearly as heartbroken as I'll be next month, missing Dani's wedding (I'll likely be giving birth on or around her wedding day). Dani has been one of my closest friends since we first met in 7th grade and it breaks me that I won't be there to watch her walk down the aisle, to do her makeup as we'd planned, to dance with her and cheer for her and support her and her husband-to-be who is also wonderful and I love him.

But I was able to be there this weekend which was rad. And I got to be with her last month when she bought her wedding dress which was incredibly special (the dress is BEYOND gorgeous - perfect, really. As uniquely special as she) and I get to be here for her always, and there for her in spirit, and she knows that. (I hope she knows that.) I love you, D.
riding someone's pony
I'm actually really enjoying the end of my pregnancy-- this last month of carrying around a preposterous looking bod, waddling down the street in fucked-up ensembles because nothing fits me anymore. I cherish the moments when the babies move, hiccup, push the right side of my belly up like it's a parachute at a child's music class...

People keep asking if I intend to keep working when the babies arrive. And yes, very much yes. Not working isn't an option with 7871982319 mouths to feed. We are a dual income household and "maternity leave" does not exist when one is self-employed. Thankfully, I'll have my mom here for an entire month postpartum. For the second month, I'll hire our part-time nanny to stay full-time, and come December, I'll just... you know, go from there. I mean, preparation is pretty much futile at this point.

In my experience, the only way to prepare for a major life change is to find new and interesting ways to laugh at yourself. Life is far less overwhelming when you stop taking everything so seriously. "Fuck it!" has become my favorite mantra - especially in times like this. So that's pretty much where I'm focusing most of my attention right now: on fucking it navigating each day as it comes, rush hour and all. Keeping road rage at bay by laughing at watermelons.




Steph(anie) | 9:21 AM

Yer lucky yer preggers cuz I want to smack you for being so gorgeous while pregnant, but that's just not a nice thing to do.

My (non-existent) money's on 9/22/11. Here we go! And when I say we, I mean you :)

Steph(anie) | 9:23 AM

And Fable's response regarding two different shoes was absolutely perfect.

Abby | 9:24 AM

I used to beg one of my speech coaches in college (who was CLEARLY pregnant) to go to the student health center with me where I would hold her hand like the supportive friend and ask for a pregnancy test......In the eighth month of her pregnancy the insurance called and said they had lost the paperwork and could she please go get one. It was completely hysterical!!!

Also, I too am missing a good friends September wedding as it is a week from my due date. It is harder than I thought it would be....


Those last two photos are amazing!

~ Noelle

Glenda | 9:29 AM

You look absolutely amazing!

Fable...and her tada response... genius lol :)

In some of the pictures you look a lot like your sister (but you're older so your sister looks a lot like you)

Let's go R&B 9/22 it is for mama!!!

Elly | 9:31 AM

I used to wear two different coloured chucks ( and a friends kid, after looking at my shoes, would wear two different shoes all the time. All it takes is one person to say its cool to rock your own style and kids will take it + run with it. I hope that lady cheered to Fable's tada :)

lisafoose | 9:35 AM

seriously, even at 200lbs with 3 vaginas, you look extremely cute (I was not NEARLY that cute at that stage w/ my twins and I weighed more...sigh). The funniest comments I got on how enormously huge I was were one from a homeless guy telling me not to have the baby right now because he couldn't deliver me (ya' think? and I was like 25 weeks along), the other was a guy at a cool DC market (Eastern Market) who saw me huffing up some stairs (to find a restroom) and asked me if he should scrub in. I laughed at that one. Keep rockin' the watermelon!

osodemadre | 9:39 AM

My son is obsessed with my belly, and he always asks to rub bellies as he's falling asleep for a nap or at the end of the day. My mom swears he wants back in.

Anyway, I was looking at all your belly pictures and he freaked out at your glorious belly. Rubbing his hand over the computer and yelling belly! BELLY! and then he tried to rub his belly on it. Your belly is Orson approved.

Sarah | 9:40 AM

I love how much your writing makes me laugh.

You are gorgeous. Your words are gorgeous. But you totally have a secret talent for makeup. (Mark my words, I will master eye makeup someday.)

famousamy | 9:40 AM

Dying to know what your tank top says!


My shirt says "SIGN OF THE TIMES" referencing the giant peace sign that perfectly frames the giant belly. It's not a maternity shirt and pre-pregnancy came almost to my knees. I'd wear it like a tunic over leggings. And although I'm still wearing it with leggings, the dress/tunic is... not... a dress/tunic anymore.

Abi | 9:46 AM

I like the 9/22 due date! My due date is 9/21 but my guess is 9/4. Hubby's guess is 9/11 because our oldest starts pre-school that week and surely life will think that would be oh-so funny.

You look fab! I love how Fable rocks her outfits.

Anonymous | 10:00 AM

I firmly believe that women can sense due dates, I feel like most mamas restrospectively say, I just knew.
Also, I was at par-tay at about 800 mos pregnant and a friend did the ol cup of water between the legs trick while I was talking to a guy that is a friend but about as far from being a family man as a 25-year-old guy could be at that point. I didn't know it was coming so I squealed, he...well, he had to sit down after. Poor kid almost passed out. Is that funny or not funny? I thought it was hilarious?
And double also, I am freaking out about how awesome and clear eyed and awesome you look. HOW? How has your skin not exploded into a million tiger scratches? Your genes rock. Tell your mom we all say so! ;-)

Erin | 10:29 AM

This is getting so EXCITING!!! And if Fable is any indication of cuteness, well it seems like you are going to be in cuteness overload at your house. :)

Nicole | 10:43 AM

My daughter loves wearing two shoes too.They are not even the same size and we always let her. What's the harm?

Also, my husband guessed our daughter's birthday from the moment we knew I was pregnant. 11/22/08. He wanted that date also because he has this obsession with numbers/symmetry.

Stacey B | 10:52 AM

Oh man, those last two pictures are FANTASTIC!!!

Nicole | 10:56 AM

Seriously you are the most awesome person I know.. I wish I knew you. lol.

I love Fable's response to the women saying she had two different shoes on! Epic :)

Nanette | 10:59 AM

"and then I spill my water bottle between my legs and SCREAM!"


Adrianne | 11:33 AM

September 2nd is my hunch. For myself, not you, though who knows! I think it's more of a preference than a hunch, so we'll see if I'm right.

The other night I was out to dinner with my family and my aunt asked me to grab her a Corona, which I did. The guy behind me in the line looked horrified and told me he thought I was going to drink it. You could really have a lot of fun watching people's reactions as you do inappropriate-for-a-nine-month-pregnant lady things:) Too bad I don't have the balls to do any of it!

Anonymous | 11:37 AM

Fable is so awesome...just like you! :) Anyway, I can't wait to find out R&B's real names. I hope your hunch is right.

Elizabeth | 12:05 PM

I totally LOLed at the idea of buying a pregnancy test while fully pregnant. I am basically in labor right now and could really get some kicks out of baffling a drug store clerk. Oh man...

Habbala | 12:22 PM

"In my experience, the only way to prepare for a major life change is to find new and interesting ways to laugh at yourself."

Word. Meeting someone, pregnancy, marriage in six months? All I have been doing is laughing.


You look fantastic!! Newest follower. Would love a follow at Great pictures!

pearmama | 1:16 PM

Dude, those last two pics were hilarious. I'm loving your attitude about what life will be like with four kids. You can't really plan and schedule--life has this way of happening despite our best efforts. I've made it this far by going with the flow. Its not for everybody but at least I'm still (somewhat) sane.

Unknown | 1:39 PM

Oh man, I wish I had the lady balls to play one of those pregnancy jokes on folks. I keep hoping I'll run into someone who hasn't seen me for a while so they can comment on my pregnancy and I can act all confused and then offended. I am going to a concert on Saturday night, so maybe I'll do the water spill trick!

I love that you're throwing your birthday guess out there. Like another commenter, I'm guessing 9/2/11 for mine (due on the 8th).

Your sense of humor continues to inspire me, especially since I've gotten down on myself the last couple of days. I need to remember to lighten up sometimes, so thanks.

Cave Momma | 1:52 PM

Look at you, lovely lady! I am always amazed at the human body and someone can carry more than 1 child. And STILL look fucking gorgeous and have such an awesome belly. Jealous much? Maybe just a tad.

And go R&B for 9/22.. my daughter will be turning 4!!! on that date. It's an awesome one if I do say so myself. ahem.

cora d | 2:07 PM

You know this, but Fable = Fantastic

My mom's birthday is Sept. 22. I knew my first daughter would be born 10/10. I tried to encourage my second to be born 4/4, but she wanted to be right on time, right on her due date of 4/5.

Shalini | 2:22 PM

"Fuck it" may be my new favorite mantra; well, after "can I put more cheese on this?"

Johanna | 3:14 PM

I have been excitedly (yet silently) following your pregnancy progress. You look amazing! I loved Fable's response to the inquiry about her shoes. My husband actually wore two different shoes recently to the wedding of my 7th grade BFF -- in a rush to pack I didn't realize I had grabbed one loafer and one lace up! Fortunately I grabbed a left and a right shoe. I am so excited for your family and cannot wait for your girls to arrive.

mommica | 3:16 PM

Bwahahaha! Mothership. Awesome.

Anonymous | 3:23 PM

Thank you for saying you're feeling better at this stage! At 23 weeks with twins (and 3rd pregnancy in 4 years) I am feeling WRECKED. It's nice to imagine that over the next three months I'll feel better at some point.... :)

- PDXMary

Lynne | 4:00 PM

Congrats! you're really good at cooking babies - you're officially more pregnant than I've ever been, and that's with both of my kids. I squeaked in at 32 weeks with son #2 but that's it. Good going. Love the belly.

Anonymous | 4:27 PM

You are a stunna! Also, I love the idea of you taking a swig out of a flask. I've had a shitty day and you totally cheered me up. Thanks.

Cam | 5:18 PM

You look great! I love that you still have a friend from 7th grade! the last shots of your belly are nothing short of amazing! Oh yes, and Fable's ta-da response - CLASSIC!

SaraMinerva | 6:21 PM

You girls are seriously too cute. It's ridiculous!

roni | 7:54 PM

you're due on my husband's bday! always checking in...glad you are still werking it! you look great!

Tricia | 10:44 PM

congrats on making it to 32 weeks with your sense of humor intact. as a mom of twin i can say that's the one thing that will get your through these last weeks and the next 18 or so years. my boys turn 7 tomorrow!

Anonymous | 10:45 PM

Here's the thing about Fable's mismatched shoes:


Work it Gurrrl.

dustinandautumn | 11:10 PM

I love Fable's different shoes! I want to see the random lady's face after she realized she got burned by a toddler!

My birthday is 9/23, and I have always loved it. I was one of the older ones in school, which meant celebrating my day with cupcakes and special attention usually before anyone else in my class in grade school, and geting to drive first out of my group of friends in high school! Both very important things in the world of childhood, you see. The fall equinox is on or around that date(my parents had no sono and picked out the name Adam for a boy and Autumn for a girl-basically being the most similar girl name to Adam they could think of because thats all they could agree on. They had no knowledge of the equinox and it worked out because I happened to be a girl named Autumn born on the first day of it!), and I think thats pretty rad! I love that time of year. I hope R&B come sometime around there too!

Vanessa | 12:04 AM

Great post! Thanks for making me laugh. Love that you've made it to 32 weeks. I held my breath this week as your page loaded. Hope you make it to (at least) 36 weeks. I'm rooting for you!

Fuzzy | 3:22 AM

I thought 9/22 from the beginning for you. :)

Anonymous | 9:52 AM

I'm sure your friend Dani could set up some video conference call via skype or whatever so that you could watch the wedding ceremony from whereever you are.

kwrink | 10:12 AM

My girl is 12 and often leaves the house in 2 different shoes, her dad's crocs, mismatched clothes... as long as it is clean, I do not want her to start caring what others think. I taught her the joy of letting her freak flag fly (cue "Freak Flag" from Shrek the musical). I just hope she continues to eschew the conformity I see in so many middle school girls these days. Yay for Fable loving herself from within!

Anonymous | 11:13 AM

I know you gave the copy+paste baby onesies a big no-no, but I still HAD to show you these ones in case you change your mind:

because boy, oh boy(!) is this cute or what?!

Jessica | 2:42 PM

your so funny! I am exactly as far a long as you are except only with one baby...I love you weekly monday posts! I'm jealous that you have less than 8 weeks to go though!
My current pregnancy obsession is watermelon so your watermelon stories are so funny to me, If it's not the perfect watermelon I won't eat it...
If you guys have a costco near you, they are only like 5 bucks for a huge one. I just bought two!

robin | 3:47 PM

I LOVE that Fable wears 2 different shoes. My 3 year old has been rocking out in that style for a while now, and I have always secretly admired her for her brave fashion choices! Go, Fable ("Tadaaaaaa!")

Anonymous | 11:24 PM

oh man. ive been reading your blog since you were pregnant with Fable (my sister was pregnant at the same time, which is how I found it - looking for the perfect baby shower gift).

I have no babies and I've never posted a comment but I just wanted to say that I love you and your family and that your positivity always makes me happier.

I grew up in a large family and have always wanted a large family, which is lovely but terrifying to my dude...especially with the month-old epiphany that I want to pursue a Masters after a crap year of unemployment and self doubt (six years into a pretty successful career in design).

you always remind me to think positively, that everything is going to work out, to love myself, to be who i am and just go with it. fuck the haters. and mess with them when possible :)


Just Keri | 8:46 AM

You are seriously amazing! What a great outlook on life. Congrats.

Stacy | 9:00 AM

Thank you for making me laugh on a day that I really need it. I love reading this blog. And I love Fable and her shoes!

Sarah | 3:40 PM

Hey .. I'm good with Sept. 22nd, that's MY birthday!! :)
you look AWESOME and I bet you are happy now for every week the twins stay put! I'm excited for you!!!

Ray | 5:53 PM

"I cherish the moments when the babies move, hiccup, push the right side of my belly up like it's a parachute at a child's music class..."


I can't believe your 8 months! CRAZY! =D

Anonymous | 6:58 PM

I like the "sponsored" posts! They are great b/c they're interesting topics that you may not have otherwise covered :)

gwendomama | 12:07 AM

#1 'Ta-Daah!' is the most awesome response to that observation. My daughter was wearing different socks long before miss-matched came along.
#2 How awesome is it that you will be able to use all of your childrens initials to spell the acronym,'BARF'

shutterbean | 11:00 AM


I've been a lurker for quite some time. Coming out of the shadows today because I just realized that our kids have the SAME EXACT BIRTHDAY. My son cooper was born October 2, 2008. Crazy. I wonder if there are similarities between the two. My son WILL NOT STOP MOVING.

Also- I'm friends with skampy. I suggested she wear a leopard toga to your friend's party. Did she pull through? Gosh I hope so.

Anyways. You crack me up. I love what you do and congrats on your vagina power.

pamela | 7:18 AM

You are freakin' hilarious!! I love reading your stuff, especially re this pregnancy. You gotta laugh or you'll cry they say. I look forward to following along on your scary, exciting journey to the unknown! Good Luck with the last part of your pregnancy and adjusting to your family doubling!